Romantic and Square is Hip and Aware
Hello gentle readers,
I don't know if I expect anyone to reply to this. I don't know that I would, but I must at least write to no one in particular that I feel terribly lonely and want affectionate company. I hate dating, however. I don't want to interview people, or be interviewed, for a position in each others life. I would rather just try to do things we both find fun and interesting together, and if no special kind of affection forms, than at least we enjoyed ourselves. I'm not speaking of hooking up here, indeed it makes me slightly ill just writing that phrase. (I'm not prudish really, just quite bashful about the physical side of relationships). I'm speaking more about little adventures throughout the city, board games, and sharing interests. In short I want someone to be in love with. Perhaps, this is the most absolutely banal thing someone could say, but as it said explicitly relatively infrequently, maybe it says something about me. I feel my capacity and desire for affection is extremely frustrated. To have such feelings inside of oneself but no willing object for them, is kind of like continually swallowing little mouthfuls of vomit all day long. I am not desperate by any means. It just gives life itself a certain bitter taste, that it would seem could be sweetened--at least in theory.
Let me tell you something about myself now. I'm sure you're doubtlessly fascinated by this point.
Maybe it is already apparent, but I have something of an obsessive personality. This is clear to the point where a number of people have accused me of having Asperger's. I balk at their amateur diagnosis, but I can't pretend I don't know what they're taking about. I have done extensive research on everything from fountain pens to solid-state physics for no particular reason. I'm interested in esoteric music (but also well known music) to the point where I have a favorite recording of Latin mass based on traditional Congolese music (the original is best, as is so often the case). My favorite movies, books and music all seem obscure to people who do not have my tendency to look and look, tirelessly for the things that will bring them the most joy, and keep them endlessly fascinated. I hope you are also a bit obscure and people me pretentious for liking you, too. It makes me somewhat sad that a fondness for quirkiness is so embedded in culture these days, the genuine guileless eccentric is held in very suspicious regard.
I'm a college student in a science subject, but also have ambitions in literary and musical directions, and am just beginning to branch out into these areas with complete earnestness. I listen to records, play music, write things, and read books in my spare time. There is really not much else I get up to, except going to places to get my hands on records, books and writing supplies.
Perhaps I should stop myself here. I do have a tendency to go on and on.
P.S. If you're reading this and happen to know both places the title of this post comes from off the top of your head. Send me a quick message, and I will be waiting at the courthouse with a couple of witnesses.
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